The Strong Are Those In Love
by CeliaEquus
Summary: Phil's trying to cheer Steve up after the unthinkable happens, and Steve isn't inclined to cheer up. Especially when he's convinced that he no longer has a chance with the one he lo- likes. Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this. Written for Capsicoul Day.


"The Strong Are Those In Love"

"He's out there," Clint said, jerking his thumb towards the bridge. "Upstairs. I'm letting him use my nest."

"You must like him a lot," Phil said. He stopped beside Clint. The archer shrugged, looking embarrassed.

"You try saying no to that face," he muttered. "And he's so tiny now—"

"Don't say that," Phil said, poking Clint in the middle of the chest. "He's a little… sensitive about it at the moment, and the less people talk about it the better we'd _all_ feel, but especially Captain Rogers."

"Fine," Clint said breezily. "Have fun talking him down from there, though. I think he likes being higher than everyone else again."

Phil scowled at him, and strode onto the bridge. There, he looked up, and saw Steve sitting basically in the rafters. With a sigh, Phil climbed the ladder to the high walkway, used almost solely by Hawkeye, grateful that at this time of day there were few people around. His specially crafted shoes hooked over each rung, and he prayed that his hands would stay dry and steady long enough for him to get to the top without falling. He was no Clint Barton or Natasha Romanov.

Or, apparently, pre-serum Steve Rogers.

He cleared his throat, walked along, and sat on the walkway beside Steve, allowing his legs to dangle over the edge. He mirrored Steve's pose, arms crossed as he leaned on the railing.

"Mind telling me why you're hiding up here, captain?" he asked.

"I'm not the captain anymore. I never was a real captain."

"And yet you're a leader all the same," Phil said, and he shrugged. There was no longer any pain from the scar on his chest, except in bad weather, but he was careful regardless.

"Who's going to follow me now?"

"If anyone refuses to follow you just because… this happened, they're not worthy of your leadership."

Steve huffed, and rested his head on his arms. "I won't be able to fight."

"Why not? Have you tried sparring with anyone?"

"…No. But I'm feeling weaker all the time."

"Then why the hell did you climb up here?" Steve shrugged, still not looking at Phil. "Would you've managed that before the serum?"

Steve glanced over at the ladder. "Probably not. But I've been stronger for a few years now, and there's better health care around. Whatever Bruce did to slow down the process, it stopped me from dying. But medical examined me, and I'm back to my usual ailments. Asthma, bad heart—"

"Stop," Phil said. He straightened, and reached a hand over to Steve. He squeezed his arm, and flinched when Steve pulled away roughly. "Captain—"

"Stop calling me that!" Steve snapped, finally looking up at Phil. His eyes were hard and stormy. "I'm not Captain America anymore. I tried lifting the shield, and nearly dropped it."

"You're used to it weighing next to nothing—"

"Exactly," Steve said, settling back into his previous position. "Even if Tony made a new shield – something lighter – I'm no use to anyone right now. And with my health problems, I probably wouldn't even last one fight."

Phil swallowed at that paralysing thought. "Then we'll wait. There are plenty of other people who can help—"

"Which makes me redundant," Steve said softly. He continued to stare out over the bridge. Phil fought the urge to shift closer to him, since his touch was clearly unwelcome.

"I couldn't do fieldwork for the longest time," he said. "I was in a coma for weeks, then there was physical therapy for months, and I was on desk work for nearly half a year after PT was over. It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of things you can do around here."

"I'm not like them," Steve said, pointing out the people working on computers. "I haven't got a snowball's chance of learning that level of technology, not enough for the kind of work done here."

"There's always paperwork," Phil suggested. "I'm only allowed out on a limited number of missions. You could start with paperwork to keep you occupied, and I can train you to be a handler. You have excellent instincts in the field, Steve, among the best I've ever seen. Think what you could do by taking the backseat, not distracted by fighting just one or two people, and instructing everyone on what to do? You already do that in battle. You could be even more effective…" Steve was shaking his head. "I'm trying here. We want you to stay. If you hang out in my office, no one will bother you."

"That's kind of the worst part about this," Steve muttered.

"What?" Phil asked, heart constricting. "Hanging out with me?" Steve shook his head, then nodded, then shook his head again. "Make up your mind, captain."

"Yes!" Steve blurted out.

"…Oh." Phil uncrossed his arms and unhooked his ankles. "Okay. Well, we can find someone else—"

"You don't understand," Steve said, sounding wrecked. Phil couldn't bring himself to look up. "It would be… it would be…"

Phil sighed when Steve didn't continue. "I get that you don't want to be stuck with me on a regular basis. Won't you explain why? Otherwise I'll just have to guess, and I have a vivid imagination."

Steve's thin shoulders hunched in, and his feet swung backwards so fast they nearly struck the underside of the walkway. "Because I'm not the guy you like anymore."

"…What do you mean?"

"You like Captain America, the hero, the guy on the trading cards, in the movies, in the comic books. I'm not him, not like this." He gestured to himself. "He was why you liked me, and—"

"Wait. Hang on a sec." Phil held up his hands, staring straight ahead as he tried to process this. "You think I wouldn't like you unless you're Captain America?"

"You really like Captain America," Steve said softly.

"I admire him," Phil said. "You'd have to be inhuman not to admire him. But he's just a character. You're you, Steve, and I do like you."

Steve glanced at him sideways, before looking away again. "Okay."

"Well, clearly not," Phil snapped, frustrated. He straightened again. "Tell me what's wrong, cap— Steve."

"How do you like me?"

"…I don't under—"

"Never mind." Phil continued to study Steve, until the man sighed. "I can feel your eyes on me."

"Clearly you've mistaken me for someone who backs down easily, even where you're concerned."

Steve's head snapped up, the bones cracking audibly, and he stared at Phil.

"Even…?" He shook his head. "Phil, it's… it's not like you feel the same way about me now that I'm… serum-less."

"Of course I do. You're still the same man inside that you always were."

Steve didn't speak for awhile. Something had changed, at least, and Phil was able to relax. He leaned on the rail again, smiling now. Steve did the same; Phil noticed him still watching, and it made him smile wider.

"I wish," Steve said, and he exhaled slowly.

"Wish what?" Phil asked quietly.

"That you wanted me, too."

Phil tilted his head, resting his cheek against his crossed arms. "Wanted you?"

Steve nodded, eyes lowering. "That's why I'm so angry. Well, part of the reason. Because I think I'm in love with you, and you… and I'm no longer C-captain America. And I _know_ you said it's different, that you like Steve Rogers just as much, but… I can't help what I feel about this situation. I was going to ask you out to dinner next week, and then this happened."

Silence fell between them again. Steve was doing a good impression of someone wallowing in misery. Phil was reeling from what had been revealed. Feeling dizzy, he rested his head on his arms and took a few deep breaths.

"I was star struck over you for a couple of weeks after I woke," he said. "Considering my condition at the time, I had to get over that. It was then," he smiled, and turned his head to face Steve, "that I started to fall for you. If you asked me to dinner, I would say yes in an instant, no matter what you looked like. This man," he touched Steve's shoulder, "is the man I love. Because he's you, just you. Nothing more," he leaned closer, "and nothing less."

When Steve gazed up hopefully, Phil just gave in and kissed him.

* * *

**Hmm. Longer than I anticipated. Ah well.**

**Some insecure!Steve, as suggested/requested (a looooooooooong time ago) on AskCapsicoul.**


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